Sometimes, i am truely convinced little dog barks, to hear the sound of her own voice. on occation, theres a person on the side walk. she of course, goes bat shit crazy. like a mother talking to a child, i try and tell her that, no, she does not infact own the side walk. im sure she understands me. she tilts her little head off to one side, her little beady eyes looking up at me, 'what ever do you mean mum? of COURSE we own the side walk! its in front of our house, thus we own it. and im a 5 pound gaurd dog, so its MY JOB to inform people to get the hell off our side walk.' she makes me giggle.
Yesterday, she figured out how to pop her head out under the curtains covering the side window, which, really is a pointless place for a window, as its 6 feet from the house nextdoor, over looking the TINY shared driveway between the 2 houses. very little sun light comes in through that window. however, the neighbour gets a decent amount through the window they have (facing mine) they have a BEAUTIFUL orange kitty who decided she wanted to lay in the sun puddle. who could blame her? little dog of course, noticed said kitty basking in her orange glory and again, went bat shit crazy. at this point i just stargted to laugh. i laughed and laughed until she noticed me laughing and stopping barking. running over to where i was curled up on the couch and pounced on my chest whimpering and whinning "how can you laugh at a time like this? theres a fucking CAT outside mum" was what her little face explained to me. i continued to laugh my ass off. as though insulted, that i thought this whole ordeal was hilarious, she put her self on a time out in her kennel. i continued to laugh.
Thursday, 16 August 2012
Wednesday, 15 August 2012
DO NOT EAT THAT SHIT!
Big dog, is gross. Since the day we brought her home 3 or 4 years ago, the kittie litter box as been on lock down, like Fort Knox. She likes to eat shit. literally. shit/poop/fecies/what ever you'd like to call it. SHIT. She loves it. and it doesnt really matter who the shit belongs to, our cat, the neighbours cat, her own, little dog, another dog. really doesnt matter.
There is nothing that quite compares to being on the phone with someone, missing little dogs cue that she needs to go outside, and her pooping on the floor. Now, becuase your on the phone, you dont notice that big dog is infact over at the puppy pad, inspecting the freshly produced brownie. I turn around (still on the phone) and with out thinking shout out " DO NOT EAT THAT SHIT!" thankfully, my future mother in law knows my dogs, and knows big dogs obbession with shit, and laughs. i quickly grab a poop bag, scoop up the offending matter (or desert if your big dog) and chuck it in the bin. This for some reason, sends little dog into a screaming tail chasing frenzy. **im still on the phone !!** i throw down some toys, and try to finnish my converstation with my mother in law. once the phone call is over, i grab a cup of coffee and plop down on the couch where i am quickly jumped on almost wearing said coffee. "LADIES PLEASE!" . and with that they each take a hip, and snuggle in and go to sleep. seriously? you couldnt *maybe* nap while i was on the fucking phone?! i look down to see the sweetest little faces both staring up at me, with love in their eyes, and shit on their breath.
There is nothing that quite compares to being on the phone with someone, missing little dogs cue that she needs to go outside, and her pooping on the floor. Now, becuase your on the phone, you dont notice that big dog is infact over at the puppy pad, inspecting the freshly produced brownie. I turn around (still on the phone) and with out thinking shout out " DO NOT EAT THAT SHIT!" thankfully, my future mother in law knows my dogs, and knows big dogs obbession with shit, and laughs. i quickly grab a poop bag, scoop up the offending matter (or desert if your big dog) and chuck it in the bin. This for some reason, sends little dog into a screaming tail chasing frenzy. **im still on the phone !!** i throw down some toys, and try to finnish my converstation with my mother in law. once the phone call is over, i grab a cup of coffee and plop down on the couch where i am quickly jumped on almost wearing said coffee. "LADIES PLEASE!" . and with that they each take a hip, and snuggle in and go to sleep. seriously? you couldnt *maybe* nap while i was on the fucking phone?! i look down to see the sweetest little faces both staring up at me, with love in their eyes, and shit on their breath.
Saturday, 11 August 2012
why
i decided months ago, i wanted to start writing a blog about being a mother to dogs. there isnt a day that goes by that they do something to make me at least smile, if not laugh. for example. i have a dog, who loves all beverages, but mostly coffee. i cannot turn my back for a second with out turning back around to find here eyeballs deep in my coffee cup. some would find this annoying. some would get mad. i just laugh. 'get your face out of my coffee!' . or 'HEY! do you mind? ' she may not be a human, who replies with words, but her face says it all : no mum, i dont mind. this new dark roast you bought is lovely. shes 5. my first dog. and outside of my fiance, shes the love of my life.
dispte the fact that i am fully aware it was MY idea to get a puppy, i ask out loud almost daily 'whos idea was it to get a flippin puppy?'
it was mine. which i imagine, is why she chooses my shoes to chew , my carigans to hump, and my underwear to theive from the hamper and carry around for company to see. at 15 months old, shes entered the 'wonderful world' of teenager, i may as well be living with a 14 year old girl. shes 5 lbs of attitude, arguing, selective hearing, and talks back. i am always being told how cute she is. yes im aware. 'oh i could just put her in my purse and steal her' yes. you could. but within 24 hours, you would bring her back i assure you.
as i am typing, i hear the familiar slurp slurp of a dogs tongue in a cup. i turn to find the big one drinking daddys ginger ale. now, the question is, do i remove the cup, and replace the ginger ale in a clean cup, or do i leave the little bit of soda in the cup, and let him drink it non the wiser that its got doggie back wash it ?
in the next 8 weeks there will be an addition to the pack. the birth mother of the little one is coming to live with us, as her new fur ever home. i am so excited. we'll have small, medium, and large. we are becoming a pack of 3, and i must work harder to hold my position as pack leader. i look forward to the challenge.
i should probably explain my dogs. they are chinese cresteds. now, YEEEEEEEEEES. i know i know . thats the breed that always wins the ugliest dog contests. if i had a dollar. NO $.25 for every person who felt the need to point this out to me, as if i didnt already know i would be rich. so rich that i could afford to pay a person to sit at a computer and type out the words that i dictate to them, while pacing a massive studio, in my silk house coat , smoking a pipe. I KNOW. what people dont realize is that a) i have the internet, this information is not new to me b) the chinese cresteds that are entered into those contests and win are usually a mix of chinese crested and something esle and c) they are usually old, and with health problems. thus causing droopy faces, tongues sticking out, wonky hair and those moles that people find so ugly. i for one, think they are adorable and i feel compelled to say loudly, EVERY ONE GETS OLD AND UGLY EVENTUALLY.
it is now time for me to get showered and ready for work. i must remove the dog on my lap, that much like velcro must be pulled away, even though its stuck there pretty good.
dispte the fact that i am fully aware it was MY idea to get a puppy, i ask out loud almost daily 'whos idea was it to get a flippin puppy?'
it was mine. which i imagine, is why she chooses my shoes to chew , my carigans to hump, and my underwear to theive from the hamper and carry around for company to see. at 15 months old, shes entered the 'wonderful world' of teenager, i may as well be living with a 14 year old girl. shes 5 lbs of attitude, arguing, selective hearing, and talks back. i am always being told how cute she is. yes im aware. 'oh i could just put her in my purse and steal her' yes. you could. but within 24 hours, you would bring her back i assure you.
as i am typing, i hear the familiar slurp slurp of a dogs tongue in a cup. i turn to find the big one drinking daddys ginger ale. now, the question is, do i remove the cup, and replace the ginger ale in a clean cup, or do i leave the little bit of soda in the cup, and let him drink it non the wiser that its got doggie back wash it ?
in the next 8 weeks there will be an addition to the pack. the birth mother of the little one is coming to live with us, as her new fur ever home. i am so excited. we'll have small, medium, and large. we are becoming a pack of 3, and i must work harder to hold my position as pack leader. i look forward to the challenge.
i should probably explain my dogs. they are chinese cresteds. now, YEEEEEEEEEES. i know i know . thats the breed that always wins the ugliest dog contests. if i had a dollar. NO $.25 for every person who felt the need to point this out to me, as if i didnt already know i would be rich. so rich that i could afford to pay a person to sit at a computer and type out the words that i dictate to them, while pacing a massive studio, in my silk house coat , smoking a pipe. I KNOW. what people dont realize is that a) i have the internet, this information is not new to me b) the chinese cresteds that are entered into those contests and win are usually a mix of chinese crested and something esle and c) they are usually old, and with health problems. thus causing droopy faces, tongues sticking out, wonky hair and those moles that people find so ugly. i for one, think they are adorable and i feel compelled to say loudly, EVERY ONE GETS OLD AND UGLY EVENTUALLY.
it is now time for me to get showered and ready for work. i must remove the dog on my lap, that much like velcro must be pulled away, even though its stuck there pretty good.
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